Grace for Grace

 Ah February, the month of love. At work, coworkers are asking if I have plans, if I like Valentines day, would I rather get flowers or chocolate, etc.  But thankfully I don't have to partake in any of that because right now I am unattached. Footloose and fancy free, as the kids say.  When you're a Christian girl, you grow up learning that crushes are bad, that you should only think about boys as your brothers in Christ, and that you are too young for all that, until one day you wake up and realize that all your friends have boyfriends, some are getting married, and you're still stuck thinking that having a crush is embarrassing. <---Is this autobiographical? ...maybe.  But I've recently been able to express those immature things to myself without shame, without belittling myself, and I've talked to God about it.  I used to talk to God about it, too, but back then it was prayers of false holiness and embarrassment, but now it is another facet of freedom, of b...

 Everyone does this, don't they? Start something with excitement and motivation, but then life gets in the way and it becomes a chore and no one is forcing you to do it so it just...drifts away.  But I'll try to actually remember. Fingers crossed.  ~~ New Year's Eve seemed to be a sign of how January would go. On a night that I usually try to stuff full of meaning and feeling because I'm afraid of time slipping away and losing a chance to prove myself, I went to bed early. And this month hasn't felt hurried or stressful, I haven't put pressure on myself to perform any certain way. It is freeing. And I know that it is ultimately the handiwork of the One who frees.  I think overall I just feel less pressure. I think this process was started when I realized that 20 doesn't have to look any certain way, and is continuing into all these other measurements of productivity and value that I used to place so much weight on. If I actually stop to think about it, I thi...