July
Hmm, this month was a bit of everything. I think I learned that I don't really know much about love or vulnerability. That I'm scared of it. EXAMPLE: My brother told us that he bought a ring for his girlfriend and before I could even register what that meant, my body felt a pang of fear as my first thought was "that's forever. you can't get out of that." Of course my second thought was being happy for them. Love, and marriage, is dependent on vulnerability. It is dependent on "this is my heart, without cynicism, without sarcasm, without protection. It is in your hands." It is giving others control over you. I like feeling in control, of myself, of my time, of the world around me. It makes me feel safe. I see self-reliance as a good thing. That is obviously from fear and pride. Fear of being let down, of being rejected, of losing something, of being asked to sacrifice too much. Pride because I think deep down that I am better on my own and no on...