Grace for Grace

 This is a wild and mundane and revealing process.  God is good.  I am seeing God's design for marriage, or at least, my own experience of it. I feel a lot of stirring in my heart, a lot of calling to better things, I'm just still even figuring out what those things are.  There's a lot of pride, I know that much. A lot of opinions and selfishness. There's so much of me, and there's times I see it, and times I don't. I feel the weight of my stupidity; I am beginning to see the damage that my stupidity and my hastiness brings. It is no longer just me. It is us.  By the grace of God, He is helping me. He is giving me tastes and nudges in the right direction, and I am grateful. I know it's in His time, and this is a sweet process, and it matters how we grow this. It matters so much how we grow this.  Dear Jesus, Holy Spirit that walks with us, I pray that you would guide the roots, help this foundation be strong. I am not afraid of conflict or hardship but I am...

 With marriage on the horizon, the subject of long-suffering and faithfulness feels topical.  I think of Melissa and Jonathan Helser. I love listening to their podcast. Even though I don't agree with all of their theology, I trust the fruit of their lives. It is evident in their humility, it is evident in the gentleness and steadfastness of the community they have built around them.  I want my relationship with God and with my future husband to have the sweet savour of faithfulness and steadfastness. It is forged through continual submission.  I ask myself "At the end of my days, when my life has been lived, what do I want to be able to look back on? What do I want to be remembered for?"  Obedience, faithfulness, thankfulness.  Work in me the fruits of obedience, faithfulness, and thankfulness.  So what is faithfulness?  I think faithfulness is a long-term practice of standing on our foundation no matter what is happening. When I think of faithful...

I am convinced that nothing can separate me from God.  I am also convinced that the greatest gift I have been given, besides salvation, is the presence of the Holy Spirit. I am not alone. Someone once described it as the crescendo of the cross, and at the time I thought that was religious mumbo jumbo, but I think I understand it now.  While salvation is a fixed thing, the day to day struggles and tension is answered by the companionship and comfort of the Holy Spirit. He changes my life every day.  Yesterday I felt pricked to refocus my mind on choosing joy and the blessings of God in difficult situations, and today I feel carried to the songs and the perspectives that I need.  I am being reminded of truths that God taught me years ago, when He was cultivating exponential growth in me, and now I have old growth to lean back on. I am so grateful for His planning and timing, I am feeling the strength of what He has built in me, and I am amazed at how He knew I would ne...

Proverbs 27:7 - "The full soul loatheth an honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet." This verse is so interesting to me because it could be taken so many ways.  The full soul could be one that gorges themself on pleasures and things to fill themselves up, so that even when true sweetness and real good comes along, like how the Word of God is compared to honey, they don't want it, they don't see their need and there is no room for it in their bellies because they have filled themself with things that don't truly matter.  It's like not wanting real maple syrup because you're used to the sugary fake stuff that's terrible for you.  But to the hungry soul, the one that trained their appetite to want that which is prudent and reasonable and good, even trials and difficult situations are sweet, are desirable because they recognize the work that is wrought in the soul because of it. They are hungry for God, for His hand and His word in e...

 I started feeling sorry for myself, I was grumbling, and I was about to let it affect my whole day.  Then a little flip was switched and I felt led to listen to worship music. There was a line in a song about heaven surrounding me, and I had a little moment of clarity. I saw what I had been headed towards: self-pity, ungratefulness, resentment, and it would have ruined my day and soured a precious time with my nephew. And then I saw how that switch had to have been the Holy Spirit, had to have been heavenly fortification, because I myself love a good pity party, I love a good wallow, but God said "this is not what I have for you." It was divine interference in the most mundane, sweet way possible. It felt very practical, very "God-with-us", you know? I am grateful.  ^^ This is a great example of the Holy Spirit teaching us, and us cooperating. The reason why He is a teacher is because so much of the Christian walk is a learned skill like anything else. We are told ...

Life Lately has been me relishing the contentment and joy that I feel in my everyday life.  I am aching for Ecclesiastes, and wanting Proverbs. I want practical, slow wisdom.  It has just now -- as I type these words -- occurred to me that my birthday is tomorrow. I am going to be 23, the oldest I've ever been, yet I am keenly aware of how young that is.  I am praying for wisdom and peace.  I am grateful for the grace I have felt to be hands off, to trust the Holy Spirit and try to open myself to teaching.  Teach me Holy Spirit. It is what You are here for, to comfort and teach, and I need both together. You know what I need.  My birthday has passed with a surprising outpouring of love and celebration. It was lots of tiny moments that made me feel so seen and cherished.  Holy Spirit, my prayer for 23 is this: that I would welcome you into every interaction, every decision, and every thought. I don't want to live life the same as I always have. In the s...