Trust

Even though it may not be smart to trust everyone you meet, I have found that because my heart is so secure in God, I can believe others without risking injury.

Trust goes beyond feeling. Trust is something so steadfast and unwavering that no matter what feelings may cloud my judgement, I can return to Him because I TRUST. Trust is risky, but when it's given to the only One who will never let you down, there is no risk.

Trust is choice.

^^^ That was written a year ago, when I thought I had so much figured out. I didn't realize that I thought I had things figured out, but somewhere along the way, I became self-assured, and believed without realizing it that God had given me some sort of special insight. 

And the Holy Spirit in His kindness and wisdom showed me this past year that I am, in fact, stupid. It is a dangerous thing to find any truth in ourselves. We are easily swayed. There is so much in ourselves that is false that we don't see. We have no ability to form objective truth on our own. We have to go to the Bible, to God, to the Truth Himself, and the letter He left us. 

ANYWAY: notice how the aspect of trust that I focused on was "risk"? That's because I feel like trusting people is too risky, and so I am suspicious and maliciously imaginative towards others. I want a soft and vulnerable heart, but I see others as dangers and not "worth my vulnerability". Like, I imagine that they are selfish or shallow so that I feel justified in holding myself back from them. First of all, my vulnerability isn't a prize; I am not important. I am also just being dumb by holding others at an arms length. There is no real point, and if I am truly trusting my whole heart to God then there is no pain in not holding up my walls. 

I have a very special gift and opportunity to be a lamb in a world of wolves. 

Can we talk about how in Jesus Christ the Son of God's most vulnerable, afraid, raw, emotionally distressed moments, He brought it all to God, yes, but God is trustworthy. Jesus allowed it to be told to others and be included in the most popular book in the world, read by the most untrustworthy people who would take those vulnerable, real words and twist them and change them and make fun of them. Jesus's most emotionally distressed and private and personal words have been made fun of millions of times, and He knows every single time. 

Yet I haven't even actually been made to feel badly about myself, but I'm worried I might, so I am protecting myself (which isn't my job. That is taking control from God, not trusting Him, and having vain imaginations about others). 

See what I mean about being stupid? How the heck does the Holy Spirit have this much patience and this much kindness and this much perfect timing?

To sum up, don't trust in yourself, don't trust in your own special vulnerability because you'll find out that it didn't exist in the first place. He is the only one who knows anything, and His Word is the only thing we can put all our weight on. I don't just mean that we should go to Him because He has stability and we can trust Him when things get unstable. I mean: the world has always been unstable, we just didn't know it, because we know so little. Everything was already unstable, but we are blind, and He is the Only Stability there is.