Not getting caught in the swirls.

I used to be a worrier. I used to feel that if I didn't understand everything then I would somehow miss out on an important part of God or be less of a Christian.

So much of our thought life is used up by trying to understand every aspect, almost distracting ourselves by trying to put things in order and get a handle on it all, but the truth is that there will always be so much that is unknown and has yet to be discovered about God, about ourselves, and about life, and we do ourselves a disservice by striving to know it all at once. I think the mystery of things is half the beauty, and there are some things that I never want to fully understand, that I want to remain baffling and wonderous.

"Getting caught in the swirls." was a phrase that I heard and it immediately resonated with me. "The swirls" are offshoots of our intended focus, things that distract and pull us away from the core thing of the matter. We have to let go of our obsessive need to understand, of our need to dissect the specifics. When we get caught up in the swirls of things, we get in our heads instead of seeing the big picture. So many of the little things don't matter.
I didn't need to know why I had the fear of being unwanted, I just needed to change it. I don't need to know why I am acting unlovingly towards my sister, I just need to change it.

Now, I feel a bit like a hippie Christian because I am very much into "going with the flow" of where the Holy Spirit is leading, not worrying about the "why"s of things, not needing a reason or an answer because I'm not worried about it. If I don't understand something, I trust that God is leading me, I trust that God sees what is going on. If I am feeling unsettled about something, I go to the Holy Spirit, I don't figure out what's up on my own. I am fully trusting God to guide me where I need to be. 

More than anything, this is a post about not leaning on our own understanding, not living by our fleshly process of worry or control. God is working all things for my good, so I am not going to use my precious moments to try and take that from His hands.

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