psalms pt. 1
I'm two pages into Psalms, and already head over heels in love with this book. So far, I see myself so clearly in David. I am an emotions-driven person, and it really sounds like David was too.
For the past two years, I've been in an ongoing process (with lots of layers) of learning how to healthily coexist with my emotions, allowing myself to feel it fully without falling into it, all while I include God. Seeing David's process with emotion, singing of the Lord's goodness and faithfulness, and then turning around and singing about how he feels the Lord abandoned him, and then back to praising the Lord. First of all, what a drama queen (but like, same).
Second of all, David hid nothing. He didn't turn away from difficult emotions, rather he embraced them, sang them to the Lord, got them out of the way, and returned to what he knew to be true: God's goodness. There's such a simplicity and beauty in that kind of vulnerability that demonstrates a trust like no other. David knew the God that created the world in a word, that could crush David in an instant, the God that is all around, the very God that David acknowledged as the reason he woke up, yet he asked "Why did you abandon me?" That's trust in the nature of God. That's vulnerability.
To try and keep things making sense, I'm going to separate this into a couple posts.
KNOWING YOUR HEART: "commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still." 4:4
Before we can fully know our heart fearlessly, we have to know who God is amidst it all. David knew. He consistently claimed God as his "shield, and the lifter of mine head." 3:3 and the one who sees his days and lets them continue "I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the Lord sustained me." 3:5 + "the Lord has set apart him that is godly for Himself." 4:3
Clearly David knows and is embracing God's hand in his life as he is in the middle of this process. He declares who God is, the fact that he is shielded and protected by God, he is sustained by God, he is set apart for God, and then he says "I'm going to go have a lil chat with myself." Now he has the proper context with which to process his own heart. We have to know who God is in our lives, and who He wants to be, in order to have the right context for ourselves. God is the only lense I want to see myself through.
TENTATIVE HONESTY: David is an emotional man, clearly. He begins to express this to God gently, which is cute, like God didn't already know what was going on in his heart.
"I am weak,...my bones are vexed,...all the night I make my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears." 6:2-6 woah there David, that's kind of whiney.
psalm 13 is a great example of the earlier stages of honesty. He's learning that God wants our full heart, nothing held back, and he's testing it with some light complaining and emotion.
I believe that there times of grace, where we are given the space to sit in our sin, knowing that God is not withdrawing Himself from us. Learning how to connect with the Father while we are in the middle of a messy process is vital to always being engaged, and that's the goal, right?
17:1 gives the caveat for this principle. "Give ear unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips."
We have to be honest, we cannot offer up false confessions, false humility, false repentance, anything less than the 100% truth is unacceptable for God. I would rather cuss out God than lie through my teeth to Him and to myself. We have to be honest, we have to trust that God is bigger than our momentary frustrations and petty thoughts, we have to trust that He loves us more than our consistent, heavy sins. There is grace for grace.
pt. 2 is when David and Co. gets a bit more, shall we say, free? with his words.
For the past two years, I've been in an ongoing process (with lots of layers) of learning how to healthily coexist with my emotions, allowing myself to feel it fully without falling into it, all while I include God. Seeing David's process with emotion, singing of the Lord's goodness and faithfulness, and then turning around and singing about how he feels the Lord abandoned him, and then back to praising the Lord. First of all, what a drama queen (but like, same).
Second of all, David hid nothing. He didn't turn away from difficult emotions, rather he embraced them, sang them to the Lord, got them out of the way, and returned to what he knew to be true: God's goodness. There's such a simplicity and beauty in that kind of vulnerability that demonstrates a trust like no other. David knew the God that created the world in a word, that could crush David in an instant, the God that is all around, the very God that David acknowledged as the reason he woke up, yet he asked "Why did you abandon me?" That's trust in the nature of God. That's vulnerability.
To try and keep things making sense, I'm going to separate this into a couple posts.
KNOWING YOUR HEART: "commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still." 4:4
Before we can fully know our heart fearlessly, we have to know who God is amidst it all. David knew. He consistently claimed God as his "shield, and the lifter of mine head." 3:3 and the one who sees his days and lets them continue "I laid me down and slept; I awaked; for the Lord sustained me." 3:5 + "the Lord has set apart him that is godly for Himself." 4:3
Clearly David knows and is embracing God's hand in his life as he is in the middle of this process. He declares who God is, the fact that he is shielded and protected by God, he is sustained by God, he is set apart for God, and then he says "I'm going to go have a lil chat with myself." Now he has the proper context with which to process his own heart. We have to know who God is in our lives, and who He wants to be, in order to have the right context for ourselves. God is the only lense I want to see myself through.
TENTATIVE HONESTY: David is an emotional man, clearly. He begins to express this to God gently, which is cute, like God didn't already know what was going on in his heart.
"I am weak,...my bones are vexed,...all the night I make my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears." 6:2-6 woah there David, that's kind of whiney.
psalm 13 is a great example of the earlier stages of honesty. He's learning that God wants our full heart, nothing held back, and he's testing it with some light complaining and emotion.
I believe that there times of grace, where we are given the space to sit in our sin, knowing that God is not withdrawing Himself from us. Learning how to connect with the Father while we are in the middle of a messy process is vital to always being engaged, and that's the goal, right?
17:1 gives the caveat for this principle. "Give ear unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips."
We have to be honest, we cannot offer up false confessions, false humility, false repentance, anything less than the 100% truth is unacceptable for God. I would rather cuss out God than lie through my teeth to Him and to myself. We have to be honest, we have to trust that God is bigger than our momentary frustrations and petty thoughts, we have to trust that He loves us more than our consistent, heavy sins. There is grace for grace.
pt. 2 is when David and Co. gets a bit more, shall we say, free? with his words.
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