Journal Entry - After watching JoJo Rabbit and seeing the shoes and my chest aching from crying.
(new thing I'm doing. sharing some stuff from my journal that I feel is relevant. kind of relevant? it's whatever.)
It's amazing how my heart has softened, almost annoyingly so. I feel so much more sensitive. I can't handle actual horror movies; they feel wrong, they feel abrasive and heavy. War movies feel so so wrong, like a violation of both sides humanity and purpose. Kindness makes me cry because it is so good.
I want to embrace "be a lamb in a world of wolves", but I also sometimes feel embarrassed that I have become so soft, crying easily, turning away from violence, from the ugliness of sin.
I remember when I was younger, I thought being grown up meant being able to watch violence and sex and language and all of it with no problem, but that no longer feels even a little bit true. It's a strange shift for me, letting go of the self that wants to be seen as grown up and tough, like nothing phases me.
Now everything phases me. I am extremely reactive, but strangely, just because I am reactive doesn't mean that something goes in deeply. I think all my emotions are being brought to the surface.
Holy Spirit, I am trusting that the more sensitive I am to the world, to what I'm feeling inside, the more sensitive I will become to you. I love you and I trust you.
It's amazing how my heart has softened, almost annoyingly so. I feel so much more sensitive. I can't handle actual horror movies; they feel wrong, they feel abrasive and heavy. War movies feel so so wrong, like a violation of both sides humanity and purpose. Kindness makes me cry because it is so good.
I want to embrace "be a lamb in a world of wolves", but I also sometimes feel embarrassed that I have become so soft, crying easily, turning away from violence, from the ugliness of sin.
I remember when I was younger, I thought being grown up meant being able to watch violence and sex and language and all of it with no problem, but that no longer feels even a little bit true. It's a strange shift for me, letting go of the self that wants to be seen as grown up and tough, like nothing phases me.
Now everything phases me. I am extremely reactive, but strangely, just because I am reactive doesn't mean that something goes in deeply. I think all my emotions are being brought to the surface.
Holy Spirit, I am trusting that the more sensitive I am to the world, to what I'm feeling inside, the more sensitive I will become to you. I love you and I trust you.
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