December

December brings a look back at the year. It's both overwhelming and underwhelming. 

Honestly, the greatest mercy that God has given me for this month is the lack of panic, the lack of expectations on the holidays and what that should all feel like. 

Just because it doesn't feel like what I think it should, or hold all the activities and moods that it has in the past doesn't mean that it is less good or less meaningful. 

More than any grand Christmas experience, I'm just really grateful this month. I'm grateful for the birth of Jesus, and the joy of family and togetherness, and the security and safety of my relationship with God, without performance. In the past I would have felt guilty that I didn't cry about the miracle of the manger and all that it brings, but you know what? My tears and emotions do not make that miracle any greater, and my lack of tears does not diminish it. I am not doing God a favor by pretending that I feel more than I do. 

Anyway, 2022 was a heckin good year, I took a few steps forward in some areas and some back in others, and God's grace was doled out over and over, grace for grace. 


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