Grace for Grace

I'm two pages into Psalms, and already head over heels in love with this book. So far, I see myself so clearly in David. I am an emotions-driven person, and it really sounds like David was too. For the past two years, I've been in an ongoing process (with lots of layers) of learning how to healthily coexist with my emotions, allowing myself to feel it fully without falling into it, all while I include God. Seeing David's process with emotion, singing of the Lord's goodness and faithfulness, and then turning around and singing about how he feels the Lord abandoned him, and then back to praising the Lord. First of all, what a drama queen (but like, same). Second of all, David hid nothing. He didn't turn away from difficult emotions, rather he embraced them, sang them to the Lord, got them out of the way, and returned to what he knew to be true: God's goodness. There's such a simplicity and beauty in that kind of vulnerability that demonstrates a trust like...

"Never let the sun go down on your anger." is a quote from Little Women, (technically it's from the Bible, but it will always be from Little Women in my mind) a book I read as soon as I learned how to read. I couldn't quote anything else from Little Women, but that phrase stayed with me. When I was little, I was an angry child, easily provoked, petty, and everything in between. I would get in an argument with my sister or my mother, and then I would coddle that offense all day. I would stroke it and whisper sweet nothings to it, convinced that I was right to have this offense and anger towards whomever wronged me. But without fail, at the end of the day I would be in my bunk bed trying to fall asleep, unable to rest because the whisper of "Never let the sun go down on your anger." played over and over. Again without fail, I would crawl out of bed and go to either my mom or sister and whisper my apology, so thoroughly convicted and wanting to repair things ...

I used to be a worrier. I used to feel that if I didn't understand everything then I would somehow miss out on an important part of God or be less of a Christian. So much of our thought life is used up by trying to understand every aspect, almost distracting ourselves by trying to put things in order and get a handle on it all, but the truth is that there will always be so much that is unknown and has yet to be discovered about God, about ourselves, and about life, and we do ourselves a disservice by striving to know it all at once. I think the mystery of things is half the beauty, and there are some things that I never want to fully understand, that I want to remain baffling and wonderous. "Getting caught in the swirls." was a phrase that I heard and it immediately resonated with me. "The swirls" are offshoots of our intended focus, things that distract and pull us away from the core thing of the matter. We have to let go of our obsessive need to understand...

I stole this idea from book on writing, but it can just as easily be applied to all of life. We live in a hierarchical society, where we are trying to climb the ladder to achieve greater respect, recognition, and value. The higher we are, the "better" we are. We have been conditioned to follow those "rules", the idea that we have to fight for our value. Territory is the idea that since we are all individuals, we all have our own territory, our own space to operate from. We don't have to worry about fighting to be "better" than, because they have something we don't, and we have something they don't. We are all equally valuable and important to society. Religion says that the Christian walk is about being "better", but faith says that it is about being "close", that relationship matters more than righteousness. By the transforming grace of God, righteousness comes through relationship. The process of living in territor...

I've grown up learning that my heart was a dangerous place that could not be trusted. The Baptist church that we went to would teach lesson after lesson to elementary kids that our hearts were evil, to be despised as fleshy and untrustworthy. I know there is an aspect of truth to that, but it is not the whole truth. Jesus longs to know our hearts. Out of the heart are the issues of life. We live out of our heart, so if we are constantly fighting it, fighting our feelings and emotions, then our life will be exhausting and confusing. There's a difference between recognizing that one aspect of something is bad, vs taking that to mean the whole thing is bad. But with all the good of the heart comes the bad: the confused, swirling feelings that you don't have words for yet, or even the ones you do have words for but leave you feeling tired and weighed down. These are not to be run away from. These are not to stuff down deep in your heart because if you feel anything other th...

I expect my future to be grand. I have lived from fear of my future for so long, but I'm learning that He has not given me grace in vain. He didn't choose poorly when He poured out His blood and beauty over my life. I am still dealing with the fear that my future will be small and insignificant. The Holy Spirit has shown me that God does not dream small dreams. He is not a dreamer of insignificant dreams. every destiny that He holds for us is meant to be realized. I've had such a clear picture of what my life plan would be, and it's grand and beautiful and thrilling. I haven't wanted to give it over to Him because I've been afraid that He will take it away and replace it with something tiny. I still need to reach the place where whatever it looks like doesn't matter, as long as my life is pointing back to Him. I know that if I am surrendering myself in every step, I will never feel like my life is empty. I know that. It hasn't settled into my heart y...

I fully believe that the breath God exhaled into Adam's lungs was carried to his children, and his children's children. The Breath of God does not fade, it would not dissipate. His Breath, just like His Word, endures. I believe that every breath I take is marked with that life-giving exhale. Every word I speak is propelled by that breath. I refuse to use God's Breath to speak evil.  By being created in God's image by God, we are bound together by love, and is in our very DNA to love. Everything we are is from love and for love, the breath He exhaled sustaining us still. We live off of His mercy and love. Yet I look around at the Christians I know, and I do not see love propelling their lives. I see duty, and immaturity, and self-focus, and confusion, and false identity, and fear. And I am just as guilty as they are because I have seen glimpses, yet still cooperated with fear and confusion. I am done being uncertain of what others will think, especially unbelievers. ...